I threw out the first draft of “Campus Pizza Nativity” — a poem I started last December, after a few difficult days during the holiday season.
It’s hard not to judge the cringey awfulness of that first draft. But I won’t. All first drafts suck (or at least mine do). And it’s not here to defend itself.
A few months ago, on a cool spring morning with the trees in bloom and a gentle breeze washing over my desk, I took a fresh swipe at it.
I will admit: I honestly thought this version was done.
And yes, that’s despite the second-to-last verse.
The first draft had done the job of transmuting the anger, frustration, and alienation I felt into a vignette whose specifics had nothing to do with my situation. It was an escape and an exploration of how people can feel alienated during the holidays. In other words … therapy.
The May revision (above) smoothed out the rough edges while retaining some of the inelegant emotional cues that made the first version feel profound. I stress the word “feel.” When I popped open the hood for the third time last Friday, it was the first thing I struck.
And then I kept striking. Red pen the flaming sword of a cherubim. Little voice inside my head: “It’s not revision if you’re starting from scratch.”
I’m happier with what emerged. With a caveat….
I stress the word “happier.” Stylistically, it’s much more like a poem that I would write. Qualitatively, it’s a stronger poem and a place from which I could revise instead of restart.
Content-wise? It’s inauthentic. An art project, rather than a self-expression.
This is the part of the essay where I’ll say something like, “I guess I need to put it back in the oven,” and shut my laptop. Loose ends tidied. Case closed.
The reality is that I see several lines that strike me as being too easy. And I think I need to rework the last half of the poem before I know what to do about the first half.
With that, I will shut my laptop. Let it sit while I step away, so I can come back with fresh eyes later on.
In the meantime, I’d appreciate your take on this. An opinion on the piece, a similar challenge you faced, or even just a recommendation of a poet to read.